Any way you spin it, lying doesn’t help.
It may ease the immediate consequences of an problem you’re facing, but it does nothing to solve the problem. It doesn’t bring freedom from the problem, it ties you to the problem. It doesn’t make the problem go away, it just leaves it to fester.
There are many reason to lie, but they all boil down to the same thing: you want to look better than you actually are.
Unfortunately this is only short lived and in the end you end up looking worse! You see as College Basketball Coach Rick Pitino puts it, “Lying makes a problem part of the future; truth makes a problem part of the past.”
Lying doesn’t help, ever.
Have you noticed that if you meet up with a friend that you haven’t seen for a while, they tend not to treat you as the person you are, but as the person you used to be when they knew you. They just pick up where they left off, as if you haven’t changed at all; as if you haven’t grown.
If you spend any length of time with the old friend you find yourself reverting back to your previous self. Becoming the person you were. Climbing back into the box that they are trying to put you in.
Funnily enough the opposite it also true. I have noticed with the teams I lead, that if I give them a reputation to live up to beyond what appears to be possible in the present, they raise their game and start performing to the higher level. It is the same with individuals. Spend time with people who treat you not as who you are, but as the person you could become and you start to grow and develop and change into the person they expect you to be. You raise your game.
There are two implications to this phenomenon. Firstly, choose who you spend most of your time with. Pick people who see your potential not just your past. And, secondly, treat other people as the person they could be not the person they used to be and you can have the privilege of watching them grow.
‘We never keep our minds on the present moment. We remember the past, as if we wanted to slow down the passage of time. And we look forward to the future, as if we wanted time to accelerate. We wander about in times that do not belong to us, and do not think about the only time that does. We dream of times past and future, and flee from the present. The reason is that the present is usually painful. We push it out of sight because it distresses us – only on those few occasions which are truly enjoyable are we sorry to see time slip away. We try to reduce present pain with joyful hopes of the future, planning how we are going to arrange things in a period over which we have no control and which we cannot be sure of reaching…The past and present are our means, and the future alone is our end. Thus we never actually live, but hope to live. We are never actually happy, but constantly planning how to become happy.
‘He has a point. What does TODAY hold for you?
Criticism is generally futile. It puts a person on the defensive and makes them try to justify themselves even if they know they are not right, which is not a comfortable situation to be in. Do it in a room full of people and things can get very ugly!
The trouble we have today is that public criticism and gossip are a way of life. There is an entire industry based on talking about people when they are not there; publically destroying individuals who cannot answer any criticism. From magazines to TV channels to sports commentators. I hate it.
If I have an issue with someone, I discuss it with one person only – the individual concerned! I raise any issues I have in private. I deal with them with the person involved (and it usually turns out to be a misunderstanding).
On the other hand, when I am around other people I choose to praise. I build individuals up in front of other people. This does two things. Firstly, the individual concerned feels great and loves you for it; secondly, you go up in other people’s estimation too, as they realise that you don’t talk badly about them either.
Remember any fool can criticise and most fools do, but to praise is far harder to do and far more effective!